Spring Blossom, Autumn Sorrows

Monday, October 02, 2006

End of year Exam coming and today is my first paper which Chinese paper I and II. I found myself really a failure, why cant i do such a simple paper properly? Why do i am such a loser that i always have to wait until the last minute then revious? Why is it that other can do their paper smoothly while i always have to be so nervous and forget all the words that i have learnt before? Why is it that i will always regret after something that i had done? Why is it that i will then remember the word that i wanted to write after the exam? Why is it that my hard work is never paid with good reward? Why is it that i always cant get i always been wanted to get? Why is it that i have so many why why WHY? W..H..Y..WHY!!!!!!!!! I really hope that i could get a good mark for all the exam i hav done and let my parents proud. I wanted to show the world that i am not a useless kid but a girl that can make me walk with head lifted up. I am tired and have no more energy anymore. I really wants to set myself free from this cruel world, this world of competition and challange. I am very tired and every each day my energy and fighting spirit is losing and disappearing. Who can give me a gift of clever brain which need not to learn or study and can get good mark juzt by listening to lesson, listen to wat teacher had say. Juz listen and can get flying colour for exam. I dun wan to compete anymore and is tired of competition. Why cant i be a genius and everything go smoothly as what i expected. I only need a rest, a long good rest and is enough. I only wish that i am not that stress and is a happy-go-lucky person who can let go all the unhappy thing that happen to me. How i wish i am a person that doesnt care of wherther i get how many mark and can get to university very successfully without any stress. Am i able to cope??
Today i took 1hour plus juz to do my letter writing and juz rush through my comprehansion and i bet that i going to hav lot of spelling error. Spelling error is wat i am worry about as spelling error will dedute marks as i dun wish any of my marks is being deduted. For paper II, it a bit difficult but i noe that i am wrong for my last question that is 5marks. It alot. And aso i hate ______ as because while i wanted to write my one last word then that person go hit my hand that cause me to unable to write finish that only word. I tink she is very wat lor. she didnt hit my hand acciedentally but is properly juz to stop me from writing. i write is my business not her business. Maybe she wan me to lose mark. That wat i tink. Next time if i saw her still writing, i am going to hit her back and i hope i can get my revenage. That one last word can giv me point and is aso very important to me. I hate her and till now i still couldnt get cool down because of that person!! I hate it!!

she told the story ... 3:18 AM